SMC

I have been in Colorado for a few days. I wasn't expecting this level of intensity. The first day I was here, before I even unpacked my bags, I was sitting in a lecture. My first program is Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself, with Dr. Joe. I soon found out that I was probably the only one who was here for the hell of it. Everyone else was enamored with Dr. Joe. He was in "What the bleep do we know," which I never saw, and wrote some books and other important stuff. After talking with us, he sat the level 1 people in front of a movie for an hour and I could barely stay awake. My head hit the pillow an hour later and I was out. The next day was intense. It was a lecture, all day with an hour break for breakfast, lunch, then dinner. And he was fascinating.

He constantly said, "nerves that fire together, wire together." He talked about the brain, and the nerve endings that latch onto each other, and release each other. He talked about emotions and feelings and thoughts and actions. Thoughts create feelings that create thoughts that create feelings. If you stop the thought from entering the body, then you stop the feeling. Everything that he was saying was fascinating. Of course, I zoned out on a regular basis; a well practiced skill after being in high school for the last four years. And we did a meditation where he talked about the different brain waves. There's high beta: fight or flight instincts, can barely think. Mid beta: taking a test. Low beta: reading a book. Then alpha: relaxed, no analytical thinking (beginning of meditation). After comes theta: deep meditation, or sleeping state. Finally comes delta: deep, dreamless and restorative sleep. Most of us when we fall asleep go strait from beta to delta waves. But, if we start to calm the mind and ease into the alpha or theta waves, then you can tap into the unconscious mind. Unconscious mind means behaviors or habitual patterns, and therein lies the problem.

It's hard to explain and probably won't make much sense unless I go into a lot of detail and explanation, which I'm not going to do.

But after the session, and I had time to think without processing so much information, I felt... calm and happy. And I've been sleeping. If you know me well, then you know that I don't sleep. Either I can't fall asleep, I wake up continuously throughout the night, or I'll wake up at 4 and stay awake. But while I've been here; sleeping 10 hours, no problem. Today, not knowing what to do with my time, or really minding, I walked up to the stupa here at Shambhala, a 20 minute walk. Oh, that's another thing. Usually when I have a lot of time on my hands, and I don't know what to do with it, I panic. I feel like I need to fill in that empty space with something, whether it's a mindless drive or a brainless TV program. But now, I gladly accept the free time. There are so many people here that are happy to talk or hang out. Everyone I see, seems so happy and content. I never mind just walking up to someone and introducing myself. The program at first was a bit odd. I felt like I was at summer camp for old people. Fifty-years-old seemed young to these people. It seemed like I was the only one under forty. Oh well, I didn't mind. I really enjoyed it actually. I've always been comfortable around adults because I usually end up having the most meaningful discussions with them; and here has been no different.

Anyway, back to the stupa. I walked up, kind of practicing walking mediation but not really minding if I got distracted. I walked around the stupa and sat down cross-legged inside. My anxiety ruined the moment and I walked back down shortly after.

Now, I have found my niche. A small library with two shelves of books, upstairs in the main conference building.

All in all, I feel comfortable. I have made new friends with staff and others in the same program. Some have left and some have stayed. I have made plans to start my lucid dreaming practices early. I have a lucid dreaming program the weekend after next and I might as well start. I'll start journaling my dreams, which I've never done, reminding myself I'm awake, and waking myself at odd hours trying to do who knows what. Maybe I'll just end up screwing up my sleeping schedule. I've got nothing else to do, and it's awesome!

I have four days until my next program: a level one training program for Shambhala. I'm happy to have the four days, maybe I can find someone who will want to play chess with me.